Sign Church sign for the week: "To prevent burning, use 'son' block." How witty.


I woke up this morning and went "shit fuck damn what did I do?"

I mean, it's not like a Livejournal community is that important, really, but like I said--entire basis of socialization there, and no matter how shitty I end up feeling sometimes (often?) based on the opinions expressed therein, I do have fun and I do enjoy it. I'm more anxious now than I was then, but what's done is done, so yeah. Bah. I wonder if this is what withdrawls feel like, ha. Maybe I'm addicted and didn't realize it. Interesting concept.

Highly possible.

Still, considering my mental health or lack thereof as of late, it is prolly for the best. I have enough stress and issues with myself that I really don't need any help from outside influences. Evan had mentioned this to me weeks ago and I shrugged him off, but really he's prolly right and it really isn't fair to have these little freak outs on him only to have him say "Where do you get these ideas?" and have to answer "...Livejournal" (because he does't know the specifics so it's easier to generalize) and then have him sigh and say "You need to stop spending so much time online".

Sigh.

I really am that pathetic, huh? Ha.


We're going out with some of Evan's friends from his massage school. I'm minorly freaking out a bit over it, if only because they're a rather intimidating group in that "been friends for years and therefore have all kinds of inside jokes and conversations that I'll never understand" way. I've only ever hung out with them twice before and neither time I felt comfortable or really welcome. We're going to Mad Mex for "Big Azz Margaritas" so ordinarially I'd at least be able to get a bit lubricated which would help but being that Evan can't drive (officially, now. He finally got in to see a Doctor after a ridiculous amount of running around trying to get his perscription filled--she's reporting it to the state so most likely they'll be sending a letter for his license soon) I'm DD so that's off the table (and tequilla is really not the best thing for me to drink period, never the less when I'm uncomfortable, so it's prolly for the best). But one of my goals with my therapist is to be more social and not be so freaked out at the idea of meeting new people and making friends (did I mention I went? That was an interesting experience. I never realized how awful my past sounds until I had to lay my entire life out in the span of an hour to give her a basic idea of how crazy I am. Lovely), so I suppose this is part of that.

Ugh. I really don't want to go, though. I promised Evan I would so I will, but yeah. Would rather not. Bah.


Random: Chai tea is awesome. And redundant seeing as how "chai" means "tea". Unfortunately I need to remember that chai tea Lattes have milk in them and, as I don't specify skim cos I have a strong dislike for anyone who says "skinny" while odering freaking coffee, it's prolly whole milk, too. I don't feel so good.


I can't wait till tomorrow. The only thing we have even tenitively planned is to perhaps visit Evan's uncle who has been in the hospital for quite a few weeks, now (but has finally been moved out of ICU--we weren't able to see him before cos the nurses got pissy about people visiting--even his wife was pretty much banished) and I'd like to get around to calling Beth back at some point since it seems she's now stationed back in the US (yay!). But yeah, I'm not planning on getting out of bed till at least noon.

Okay, maybe 11.

1030. I'll stay in bed till 1030. At least. And it will be spectacular seeing as how I've had to wake up before 7 every day this week for various reasons (including my day off, ugh).

I left AMA and all of it's affiliates. It seems that any time I've found myself getting obsessively anxious and insecure about something it's stemmed somehow from there. Most likely because it was really my only form of "real" social interaction. Did more harm than good, really.

So yeah, if you unfriend me based on that, I understand and it's cool.

Hopefully my mind will shut up and allow me some sleep now seeing as how I have to wake up in five hours. Prolly not, though, since I've just destroyed my entire "social" network in one fell swoop. Ah well. I'm not meant for such things anyhow.

Silly thing for AMA. Feel free to ignore my silly singing of Disney songs complete with whistling, ha.

VoicePost 124K 0:38

(no transcription available)

So I seem to a have a bunch of new friends. Everyone else seems to be doing some kind of intro post, so I feel that I should, too, just to be a cool kid.

Hi! I'm Jenna. I live in Allison Park, PA in the middle of a park where I see deer every day outside of my window and get chased out of my the parking lot by giant mutant raccoons and groundhogs. I share my apartment with my boyfriend, Evan, and two rather insane cats, Booger and Dot. I am currently just starting my last semester at the local community college for an associates in Lib Arts (because the school doesn't offer an English degree program) and am toying with the idea of double majoring in English (with a creative writing focus) and Forensic Science with a minor in Religious Studies because I am absolutely insane and haven't given myself enough nervous breakdowns due to trying to balance a full course load and a full time job and a social life all at the same time.

I currently work for ATT in charge of the inventory and merchandising for my store. I am also trying to pursue a writing career but that is going, uh, rather slowly at the moment. I am minorly addicted to Wow.

I had a fiance who passed away in 2006. There are times that I still post about dealing with that loss, especially around birthdays and anniversaries, so at times my entries can get rather sad. I apologize for that and any discomfort that may cause. Though to balance it out, I have a tendency to post silly webcomics and youtube videos that I find amusing so hopefully you'll get a few laughs as well. I am also quite a nerd, so I have a tendency to wane on for great lengths about things like comics, video games, movies (especially anything involving Simon Pegg because I am a bit of a fangirl, ha), etc.

I can't guarantee that I'll actually write anything interesting. This is much more of a personal log of events and thoughts more than anything else, as well as a place to post rough drafts of writing projects in the hopes of getting some feedback. I also have a tendency to dabble in some music (which I have been wanting to do a bit more), so there will be some of that stuff as well. I have this problem where I have no memory. I forget details of my life and people that I once loved, so I have to write every stupid thing down that comes to my mind so that I have some record of their existence to look back on. Therefore, like I said, most stuff is gonna be pretty boring and I apologize for that.

So yeah. That's me in a nutshell. Thanks for friending me--I friended back anyone who did. I am really glad to be able to get to know everyone better, I just wish it could have been under different circumstances. :-/

PS--I said the word "tendency" Way too many times in this post. I feel like it should be a drinking game, ha. :)

I just found out that one of my LJ friends died.

This is such a strange feeling. I didn't really Know the guy--I mean, we talked in IRC and exchanged witty banter, but he isn't someone I've ever met in real life--I only knew him through the internet. It's so strange to be sad and upset due to the passing of a person who I only knew through a collection of electronic signals.

It's amazing how the internet and things like LJ connect you to people that you would never, ever meet without it.

I really am sad, though, for another LJ friend of mine who was very, very close to him. I'm not sure what exactly the nature of their relationship (though I can hazard a guess), and I know how devastating it is to have someone just blip out of your life like that. She's a very strong woman and I know that she'll be fine overall but, man. Poor girl. I'd offer support but honestly, I'm not sure what to say. I've always been awful at things like that (mostly because anything that can be said is too cliched and patronizing to even utter). But still.

Gah. What a shitty start to a day.

The strangest thing is that one of my first thoughts was that I'm actually kind of glad that I'm going to church this morning. I don't really pray, but for some reason I want to. It's way too early in the morning for this.

So yeah. We'll miss you, Simon (phoinos). If you come back as a zombie, I'll be sure to shoot you in the nicest way possible. :(
(Yes, I realize how bad that sounds, but it was an inside joke...)