I just found out that one of my LJ friends died.

This is such a strange feeling. I didn't really Know the guy--I mean, we talked in IRC and exchanged witty banter, but he isn't someone I've ever met in real life--I only knew him through the internet. It's so strange to be sad and upset due to the passing of a person who I only knew through a collection of electronic signals.

It's amazing how the internet and things like LJ connect you to people that you would never, ever meet without it.

I really am sad, though, for another LJ friend of mine who was very, very close to him. I'm not sure what exactly the nature of their relationship (though I can hazard a guess), and I know how devastating it is to have someone just blip out of your life like that. She's a very strong woman and I know that she'll be fine overall but, man. Poor girl. I'd offer support but honestly, I'm not sure what to say. I've always been awful at things like that (mostly because anything that can be said is too cliched and patronizing to even utter). But still.

Gah. What a shitty start to a day.

The strangest thing is that one of my first thoughts was that I'm actually kind of glad that I'm going to church this morning. I don't really pray, but for some reason I want to. It's way too early in the morning for this.

So yeah. We'll miss you, Simon (phoinos). If you come back as a zombie, I'll be sure to shoot you in the nicest way possible. :(
(Yes, I realize how bad that sounds, but it was an inside joke...)

I wonder what it says about me that I can look at the X-ray in this article and, instead of being horrified, (Warning: the article is about a man who was murdered by being shot in the head 34 times with a nail gun. The X-ray is of the victim's skull and where the nails lie), I'm more interested in the angle of nails and how/where the killer had to have been standing, and how the victim had been positioned, what kind of motivation does it take to fire a nail gun that many times into a person, etc? Cases like this make me wish I had stuck to the idea of going into CSI or forensics. As much as I love writing and all the good stuff that comes with being an English major, things like this just make my brain light up.

But then I think about everything else that goes a long with it--crime scenes with real people blown and bashed to bloody bits, atrocities performed on children and I'm not sure how well I would be able to handle it emotionally and mentally. I get upset seeing roadkill, and the people I have seen die in real life--sometimes violently, like in the case of the Nick Berg video--weren't things that I could easily just brush off, no matter how "desensitized" I have been by violent video games and movies.

But still. Trying to figure out people's motivations for the crimes that commit and the actual nitty gritty details of how they committed them...man, that makes my brain happy.

Bah.

So the test went vaguely well. I ended up having to skip one question because I had No idea, whatsoever as to how to do it. Aside from that, though, I was able to work backwards and double check my work for most of the problems and they checked out, so hopefully I didn't do too badly. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Had an interesting Death/Dying class. Talked about different cultures and how they deal with everything. Fascinating stuff. I am having an issue, though, in that we have to write these "depth journals" talking about things that bother us/interest us in regards to things discussed within the class, writing enough to get down to the nitty gritty, deep seated psychological reasons for things, and I...just don't think that I can do that. Mostly because I'm not really bothered by much, and if I AM bothered by it, I know why, such as the fact that in our text there was a description of what really happens at death--the "death rattle", bluish tinge, cooling/stiffening of body, etc--as opposed to the media representation--simply falling down and dying, basically. I was bothered by this subject, but I Know why--it gave me a vivid flash of those five minutes before the paramedics showed up. I don't need to do any in depth writing about that, it's pretty cut and dry--I watched my fiance die, and therefore detailed descriptions of death mildly upset me because it brings up bad memories. The end. As for things that interest me, why does there have to be a deep seated reason for that? Do I Have to have issues just because I'm interested in morbid subject matter?

The only thing that I can really think about writing about at this moment is the fact that I'm still kind of upset over Heath Ledger's death. Not like bawling in a corner or anything, but I've been checking news sources pretty much daily for the autopsy reports and all of the entertainment media circus "news" about his alleged drug use and everything just makes me really upset, to the point that I just can't listen to it/look at it, anymore. No one is going to Know what caused his death until the autopsy report comes back, and it just disgusts me the way people are making such a spectacle of things. But again, this isn't something that I really need to dive too far into to come up with the reasons--he was close to my age, he's the first celeb that I actually respected and truly enjoyed as an actor who has died since Danny died, I grew up, really, watching his films, so I feel a bit connected with him, he played the Joker (ha), etc etc. It's an upsetting subject, so I'm upset about it. The end.

I dunno. I know I tend to look at things too objectively somethings and rationalize things too much. Maybe this assignment will be good for me, though I have a feeling I have so many layers of fortified defenses built that I can't even chip through them any more.

Ugh. It's 2am. Another fun filled busy as hell day, tomorrow.

Schedule:
-Class from 11am-230.
-dinner with Evan, JT, and Sarah at 6
-Go pick up Rob (who is my date for the Chinese New Year party at the restaurant)
-Get to the restaurant by 930
-Wine and dine
-drop off Rob, go home, and sleep, enjoying the fact that I don't have to wake up at any specified time in the morning. Yay!

Heath Ledger died today. I'm surprised at how upset I am at this news, as I usually don't care much about celebrity deaths. Watching "The Dark Knight" when it comes out is going to be rather bittersweet, I think. Sad.

Danny loved the movie "Knights Tale". Maybe that's why this bothers me so much. I'm not sure. Still. Rest in peace, Heath.

I was gonna write more, but I'm all of a sudden exhausted. Time to sleep for me, I guess.